Life is an unscripted, haphazard, fly-by-the-seat-of-our-pants experience, but my mind won’t accept this. Why else does it constantly review and revise things I’ve already said and done? At least once a day—-maybe a moment, an hour, hours, days—-after a mundane incident, I’m hit with the thought I could have said or done it better. Better could be bolder, funnier, kinder, wiser, less snotty, more snotty, smarter, more thoughtful, not so self-conscious or impulsive etc. This is inevitably followed by a detailed assessment of exactly how I’d rewrite history, or in other words: The Daily Do-Over.
One recent example is me saying, “lots of love,” to my brother at the end of a long-distance phone call. I’m not a person who typically says “lots of love.” To me, it’s a glib phrase bordering on cutesy, if not phony, and using it made me imagine my smart, sarcastic brother blanching. “I love you” can be a little strong between us, so I’d do better saying, “give my love to Susan and the kids.”
Last week I was having lunch with some coworkers on a business trip in Houston. As soon as the waiter put down my salad and left, I told them I regretted not ordering the grilled salmon that could have been added on top for four dollars. Ann, (slender, younger) to my right, offered up some of her chicken-fried steak patty smothered in gelatinous gravy. I looked over at it and grimaced. Hello? Manners? How about, “thanks for the offer”? As we’re dividing up the check, I’m mired in my do-over.
Another recent incident involved Jay Leno, who was at a car show in the L.A. Valley, strolling past a 20-car line-up of vintage ‘60s Sunbeam Tigers, one of which my husband owns. “Whatdaya think of the Tigers, Jay?” the woman standing next to me called out to him. “Terrific,” he said, “I really like Tigers.” I recalled an interview with him I’d once read in which he named the Tiger as the worst car he ever owned. “But isn’t it the worst car you ever owned?” I thought of shouting out, but didn’t. Why not? He did look battle-weary from the Tonight Show melee, but that’s not why I restrained myself.
Do-overs are a fact of my life and maybe they are for you too. If you’re not a do-over person, you haven’t read this far in my post and are probably out motocrossing. Hope to get there in my next life. Right now, I’m tired of keeping do-overs to myself. I want to know what yours are too.
